Let me paint you a picture of what dinner time is like at our house...I am making dinner and my husband is walking around with Ronin in the Bjorn bouncing up and down trying to calm him down. You see, when I am in the room but I am not holding Ronin he does not approve and throws an absolute fit. Max then has to continually let us know that, "Brother is cryyyyyying!" Thanks buddy we had no idea.
In between being an announcer, Max is running around throwing his basketball into his hoop. The fun usually ends when the ball gets thrown a little too close to either me or his brother.
Once dinner is actually ready I am nursing Ronin while inhaling my dinner at record speed trying not to drop salad onto his head. This takes talent.
Our dinner conversation is usually all about the kids. We talk about what cute things Max did that day, how many times Max went on the big potty, how many times Ronin peed on me (yes this happens more often then I would like to admit) and how many naps he took. Maybe we will get a few sentences in there about Ian's day. Ya it's not very romantic or adult-ish in the slightest bit.
It is so easy to get used to this new normal and stop having actual adult conversations all together.
Ian and I realized we were both missing that one on one time we used to have so much. We both have things we wanted to talk to each other about and it started to seem like we were just acting like parent robots and forgetting about making quality time for each other.
To help break this cycle and make things feel a little more romantic and normal between the two of us we decided to start making it a priority to go on dates. Once a week (that is our goal) we actually get ready and go out on a date. We talk about whatever the heck we want. One to two hours of actual adult conversation is pretty much the best thing ever. Not only do I feel more confident with myself since I am all dressed up but I feel so much closer to my husband since starting this...plus his chances of getting lucky are even higher I noticed ;) Yep I just said that.
One of the best pieces of advice I got when I was pregnant with Max was to always remember you were a twosome before you were a threesome (or a now foursome).
If you have kids I would love to know if you have an established date rule with your other half. How long do you go until you realize you need some one on one time with each other?
On a side note: For those of you reading who may be raising kids on your own, you are simply amazing. If you have the option to get out and do things with your friends, do it. You deserve it.
If you missed part one of the series, you can read it here.
32 comments:
Lindsay, good for you! That time with just the two of you is very important. Talking about other things besides the kiddos, but I will tell you it also comes in handy later on when you do need to discuss the kids in order to be on the same page when situations arise so you can be a united front. Our girls are grown, the youngest heading off to college in 2 weeks, but during their busy teenage years we made it a point to go out for coffee each weekday morning. A splurge, yes, but way cheaper than dinner!!
"Dating" in marriage after having kids is absolutely essential. After Alice was born (and we were inhaling our dinners during the dreaded 'witching hour'), we made it a point to enjoy OUR time together after putting her to bed. Since we don't have family here and I haven't put the effort into finding a babysitter, a few nights a week we'll make a special dinner and open a bottle of wine, I'll get gussied up and we have date night at our house. Not the same as going out... but it's still nice to have adult time and adult conversation.
And I don't know how you manage with two kids. We plan to have another but the thought of caring for two little ones AT THE SAME TIME sort of scares me!
1. Monthly date night planned by Mr. M
2. Monthly night out separate from each other (girls night and guys night)
3. The kids have a 7:00 bedtime so we have a couple hours alone together every night even if it's just watching a movie.
I realize when hubby and I need one on one time with each other when we can go almost a whole day without speaking and at the end of the day we kiss goodnight and go to sleep and that's that. It's not a fighting not-talking, the kind where we get so wrapped up in what we are doing, whether it be me chasing Casey around or he will be in the basement working on our side business which is an eBay store. When we realized that the whole day we didn't make time for "us" that's when we make a date to "rekindle" things I guess you can say. I hope this post made sense LOL.
it is so important for you two to get out, have some alone time and I have heard from other moms don't talk about the children when you are on a date and I like how you said remember you were a twosome before you added children. Your children will benefit so much if they see you put your marriage above them, I know that sounds strange but then again I can only say I have heard that, I don't know from personal experience. And don't feel guilty about going out with your husband either and you are right getting your groove back incorporates a lot of different things especially continuing to date your husband oh and eat sushi after being pregnant
You should come to my house for dinner we can have double the noise and craziness! lol
When you boys get a little older to play and enjoy each other...you can do what we do feed the kids about an hour earlier and send them down to movie time...popcorn, tents, the works... then we eat dinner alone...best of both worlds...
I love that you are so real!!
We try to have monthly dates but life gets in the way sometimes. We do however have a weekend getaway once every year. We have gone anywhere from NYC to Nashville. It's not always a big city we go to, just somewhere we can have time to ourselves. It's WONDERFUL!!
this is so helpful! me and my husband are about to be first time parents in less than 2 months and i need to see this sneak peek to the future :)
I agree 100%! Date nights help strenghten your marriage. Thanks for the reminder. I think my hubby and I are overdue for a date night!
Love date nights but I don't get them nearly enough! I know what you mean about dinner time being so crazy!
I SO feel your pain. The lettuce on the head is a balancing act I perform almost nightly as well.
We never get date night. And it sucks. My sister and her hubby have two kids and they go out every Friday night. Every. Friday. Night. I'm completely jealous. But the whole babysitter thing kinda puts a damper on the whole leaving the house goal.
Ah well, they'll be grown before we know it and we'll be wishing they wanted to be home hanging out with us.
so true. and so hard to do but worth the effort. i love what you included at the end. i used to go to bed exhausted at night and think "how do single moms do this?", and then say a little prayer hoping they would realize that someone out there appreciated and was thinking about them and that somehow they could feel it...
Lindsay I seriously spit my tea out while I was reading this. The image of Ronin screaming, Max running around like a madman and wolfing down your dinner is just the perfect description of real parenthood. I think before I became a parent I woefully underestimated how your life would change, but now, I read this and I'm like: TOTALLY. Granted I only have one, and one day I'll have TWO and then I'll really get it. Haha. Hope you are having a good start to your week!
I agree! I wish I could say I was better at this. I've really made it a goal to do this more throughout this year. We went out of town for the night on Saturday and we had a blast together. Even though I feel like I need to spend as much time as possible with my kids since I work so much, I also need to spend quality time with my hubby. It's all a balancing act and if lettuce on the head is the worst thing that happens then I'd say you are doing pretty damn good!
So hard to find the balance of everything, and for us it was especially hard jumping from one to two kiddos. Maybe when our 2nd was a year did we decide to schedule 2 date nights a month and made them a priority. We had so much fun, each one of us would plan and surprise the other. Our date nights have died down now that I'm 35 weeks with our 3rd, but I know how important it is to have the and to make sure we make time for each other. It makes dealing iwth everything else so much easier. Hopefully we transition back no prob after this one makes his/her arrival!
Date night is the best. Good for you guys.
Way to go! Need to plan a date night soon!
OMG this is our house, I need a date week.
I LOVE THIS!!! Before we had Elyse we had so many friends who tried to remind us how important it was for date night, yet they never even did it themselves! We have found that is is absolutely crucial for our marriage! It may not be once a week, but we're striving for 2x a month where we actually get a sitter and enjoy some time with either just us or us and another couple (either way sans kiddos!)
We actually had date night on Saturday night and have dinner plans tomorrow with our best friends...2 date nights in 4 days...fabulous!
i so love this post for so many reasons. 1) i can TOTALLY picture supper time at y'all's house and it makes me laugh, but feel sorry for y'all at the same time. 2) it makes me smile because like me, you are a diabetic, and you have two children and a husband, and do things like breastfeed while eating. 3) i'm so glad y'all are trying to have one date a week. SO important!
Hubby and I love our date nights. I hope that when our baby comes we can commit ourselves to a few date nights here and there. This is a great reminder and I'll be needing this post in a few months!
p.s I miss sushi so much!!! I can't wait to have my first salmon something roll after this pregnancy.
That is such good advice!! We try to do 1 date night a week, sometimes it doesn't happen and sometimes we get in 1-2 date nights a week. If we can't then we try to cook a romantic dinner together, just us 2! :)
Love this! We really want to make it a priority to have date nights, too!!!
The advice you got was the same advice that's been given to us... And I hope we follow through with it! After all, I won't mind getting lucky and neither will he, Bwahahahaha!!! Xoxo
Heh..I don't even bother eating till everyone else is done because as soon as I sit down, I have to get right back up and get something for someone. Never fails.
I have two kiddos..one is 11 and the other is 2. I was a single parent for 5 years. Now, I am engaged (hence the 2 year old) but I still feel like a single parent as my fiance is no help with the kids or house or anything else. So no, no date nights..I'm to tired for them! lol
I love this post Lindsay. You are so transparent - and it's refreshing! Honestly the thing that holds me back the most about thinking about starting to have kids is losing all of the time Caleb and I have to ourselves. I know it will be a challenge to balance it all once a little one comes around so I'm trying to soak it all in now :)
1. That sushi looks so good.
2. It's so great to hear the honesty in what parenting can be like. SO glad you guys got to spend some time together! You definitely deserve it. I should be taking notes for the future. :)
I just came across your blog from someone else (and just made the avacado chocolate pudding, super yummy!) and I am a mother of 2 almost identical in age as yours- one just turned 2 and one is about to be 4 months. Our dinners and nights are just like this too and I applaud you for make a date night once a week! We aim for once a month and both do a good job letting the other have their own "me time" with girls/guys nights out or for me it is getting out and exercising some times. Thanks for a wonderful post and great yummy recipes too. (zuchinni brownies are next which my sister has told me are amazing!)
I really love reading your blog...and seeing a woman who has kids, yet cherishes quality time with her husband is a woman i look up to. Someone that is a great role model for me. God Bless u Lindsay. You truly are an awesome inspiration. Keep the love alive.
My husband and I have a rule to do something with just the 2 of us once a week also... it usually involves eating a meal uninterrupted, taking a full shower, and either sitting together to watch a movie or conversing with one another about adult things, & as you said so well...maybe even getting lucky ;o) ... very similar to what you do! When we do this it helps me remember that my husband is also a priority as well as myself.
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